ASK THE GIRL NEXT DOOR.

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Author: Beland, Nicole

I'm extremely interested in a woman, but her good friend is attracted to me. How sleazy is it to use Number Two's interest in me to become better friends with Number One?

There is a way you can play this without turning the two women against each other, or you. You need to take Number Two aside as soon as possible and tell her that you think she's an attractive, amazing person, but that you've had a serious crush on Number One for a long time and have never had the courage to say anything. Of course the girl will be hurt and disappointed, but she's also likely to become your biggest ally in winning the affections of her friend. It's hard to explain why, but most women are willing to be martyrs if it means that love will prevail in the end.

When does being chivalrous--carrying her bags, opening doors--become annoying?

It gets irritating pretty darn quick if a guy does any of that stuff in a smarmy or obsequious way. Women appreciate gentlemanly gestures, but only when they're done with the same casual cool that a superhero exudes when catching a baby in midair and handing it back to its mother. So hold a door for a woman when you happen to arrive at the threshold first, but don't rush to do it or emphasize your actions by saying, "After you." If a man makes a big, flashy deal about "treating me like a lady," I assume he's overcompensating for being an incorrigible caveman deep down in his sexist, Hooters-loving soul.

Why must a 6-month dating anniversary be celebrated like a 50-year wedding anniversary?

Six months is a huge deal because to a woman (and her girlfriends and family members), it officially makes you a couple. After 6 months, a woman allows herself to wonder whether the relationship has serious potential. And if at this crucial point you're more delighted than doubtful, that's something worth celebrating. So buy her some sunflowers, take her out to a five-star dinner, and say, "Happy anniversary." Don't worry--she knows you could still break up next week, next month, or 2 years from now. Right now she simply wants to revel in the fact that you haven't rejected each other ... yet.

I found a vibrator in my girlfriend's dresser drawer. I think the idea is exciting. Should I bring it up some time?

Yes! But keep in mind that she wouldn't be hiding it if she felt completely comfortable about having it. She might be embarrassed to admit that she masturbates at all. Or she might think you'd be intimidated by her use of a massive, penis-shaped device that has multiple speeds. My advice is to wait until you're enjoying the afterglow of great sex and then tell her straight out that you happened to stumble across it. Before she has a chance to ask what you were doing fishing around in her panty drawer, quickly add that you find the idea of her using a vibrator incredibly sexy, and that you're curious about using it together. No woman who enjoys a vibrator solo is likely to protest using it with her man.

HAVE A QUESTION FOR THE GIRL NEST DOOR? E-MAIL IT THROUGH OUR WEB SITE. AND DON'T MISS HER EXCLUSIVE ONLINE Q&A EACH WEEK. PLUS: SWAP STORIES ABOUT THE FAIRER SEX IN OUR THIS DATING LIFE MESSAGE CENTER.

PHOTO (COLOR): She sees through your shine.

PHOTO (COLOR): Be honest about which one you want and you might get both.

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By Nicole Beland