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Chatter.

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Author: Lopez, Molly

Chatter


GRADUATES: WE SALUTE YOU

Thank you for … this doctorate you're going to give me. Now I can get out of this dead-end job.

-BILLY JOEL at Syracuse University

When I [agreed to speak], little did I know this would be such a unique moment in time: a time of ending, a new beginning … but enough about me. Let's talk about you.

-KATIE COURIC, who's leaving NBC's Today for The CBS Evening News, at the University of Oklahoma

[In college] I was dating this girl who decided it was time to call her parents and tell them she was gay. She said … "I'm gay, and I'm dating a musician." And there was a long silence…. They said, "It's not that [you're gay]-but really, honey, a musician?"

-MELISSA ETHERIDGE at Berklee College of Music

[I] barely made it out of high school. [Now] I stand up here as a doctor. I ask that somebody send the photos to the principal at Plano East Senior High.

-Honorary doctor LANCE ARMSTRONG at Tufts University

People in my line of work don't do hats. Gotta be on the air in about seven hours. Can't have hat hair.

-NBC Nightly News' BRIAN WILLIAMS at Seton Hall University

I'm certainly not asking anyone to run out and burn down City Hall…. I simply advocate … being involved citizens. Don't ever be afraid to ask the question "Why?"

-VIGGO MORTENSEN at St. Lawrence University

I expected to come, bow, wave, smile…. Then I read the fine print … and discovered that I also had to have something to say. I'm not accustomed to making up my own lines.

-Law & Order's SAM WATERSTON at Green Mountain College

I tried to remember [my graduation], but I couldn't recall who had given the address at the University of Texas in 1973…. Imagine my surprise when I discovered it was some guy named George Bush. Four years [later] I married his son. We never know where life is going to take us.

-LAURA BUSH at Vanderbilt University

I heard everyone was going to be wearing robes

-ELLEN DEGENERES, onstage in a white bathrobe, at Tulane University

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow; this opportunity comes once in a lifetime

-JODIE FOSTER at the University of Pennsylvania, quoting Eminem

Let's face it-you had to practice on somebody. So to all of you family members who were literally pincushions, we salute you

-AL ROKER, to acupuncture and massage-therapy graduates, at New York College of Health Professions

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By Molly Lopez



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