Is It Okay to Hide Money from My Spendthrift Spouse?

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Author: Fleming, JeanneSchwarz, Leonard right_thing@moneymail.com

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Q I'm about to get a big bonus from my employer and plan to save the money in an account in my own name. My husband doesn't know about the bonus, and I don't plan to tell him. For the five years we've been married, his extravagance has prevented us from saving; if my bonus goes into our joint account, we'll end up with a home theater or a trip to Bali instead of a nest egg. But I am starting to wonder, Is it right to hide money from my husband?

Answer At the moment, you have one problem: your husband's refusal to save. If you go ahead with your plan, you'll have a second problem as well: betraying his trust. That's because no matter how worthy your intentions are, hiding a bonus large enough to take you to Bali amounts to outright deception. This doesn't mean you're ethically obligated to put the money in your joint account or to let your husband spend it as he pleases--you can still save the money in a separate account. But you are obligated to be honest about your decision.

If you need added inducement to come clean, consider that you'll have to report that income at tax time anyway. More important, by saving in secret, you're effectively giving up on having your spouse share responsibility for your family's financial future. Is that really what you want to do?

Your marriage deserves better. Unless your husband is gambling away the rent money or cashing in the baby's savings bonds to buy Armani suits, keeping mum about an important financial matter that affects you both would be unethical.

• E-mail your comments about this column or your queries seeking advice about money and ethics to the authors at right_thing@moneymail.com.

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By Jeanne Fleming, Ph.D. and Leonard Schwarz

Jeanne Fleming, Ph.D., and Leonard Schwarz are trial consultants who advise attorneys on people's ethical beliefs.