Love and Money.

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Author: Bean, Matt

You picked up the tab on dates one through three, so she knows you're solvent. Now stifle references to your bank account. "Women want men who are financially secure," says Hedda Muskat, author of Dating Confidential. "But it looks cocky if you reveal how much you have before it's a relationship."

Splitting rent down the middle is for roommates, not romantic partners, says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and the author of How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free. If you make more, offer to pay a larger share or pay some of the bills yourself.

"Planning the wedding is a preview," says Tessina. "You get to see each other's financial expectations under serious pressure." So lay the groundwork for financial matters as a married couple. Get involved. Your goals (top-shelf liquor) might differ from hers (orchids), but in all cases, "make 'we' your default position," says Tessina.

Your two biggest long-term commitments, besides a house: tuition for the kids, and retirement. Pay yourself first. "You need to plan for a portfolio that will support two people for 35 years," says Michael Knight, of Knight Investment Planning. So who pays for Harvard? "Get creative with a combination of grants, loans, savings, and work study."

Grill your attorney on the QDRO--the Qualified Domestic Relations Order, a document that splits up 401(k) benefits and pensions. "It's the biggest area of malpractice in divorce law today," says Carol Ann Wilson, president of the Financial Divorce Association and author of The Survival Manual to Divorce. Ask your lawyer to draft the document right away. Otherwise, "your wife's attorney will--and, rest assured, it will be in her favor."

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Edited by Matt Bean